Doggie Doo-Right

Man-U-R Happens

I'll warn you in advance, I'm going to have a little bit of a bitch fest today.  My candle has been burning at both ends all week, and I do believe I have reached a tipping point today.

I live in a Condominium Complex that is comprised of 8 separate buildings in suburban Northern New Jersey.  Each building is 4 stories tall  with an approximate current total residency of 1000 people. The complex sits on grounds that is circular"-ish" from a driving perspective and is exactly one mile around when walking around the entire perimeter of the property.  My point is, this isn't a tiny community and isn't squished together building to building.  Yet, people still aggravate the living hell out of me.  Take note, fellow readers:  There is absolutely no correlation between the proximity of an individual and the amount of sheer aggravation they can cause you.

 

 

 

 

Northern New Jersey is not known for it's reasonable home prices, nor it's low tax rates.  Based on a June 2013 report issued by CNBC, Northern New Jersey is the 5th most expensive area to live in all of the US.   You pay a large of amount of money to live in the area partly due to it's relative proximity to New York City.  You would think, then, that people who live in such communities - people who have agreed to shell out the dough- would respect where they live.  You would think wrong.

I have always lived in Northern New Jersey.  First with my parents, then for several years with a fiancée who - well let's face it, was an ass - then on my own for well over a decade.  This is my 5th residence within a 30 or so mile radius.  My current complex contains the most annoying, snobbish, self-important group of people you will ever meet.  By far.

• I'll add a small caveat.  I have met some great people here.  So this does not pertain to all residents.  There are some humanely humans who inhabit this place. People who are funny and normal and understand the foolishness that goes on.   I am eternally grateful to these few.

This December will mark my third year living here.  It will also mark my 3rd year as a first time home owner.  It will also mark my potential arrest and subsequent hearing, trial and imprisonment.  It's quite possible you will be reading this post when I'm either shackled off to the big house, or carted off to the  funny farm.

On the outside, everything looks lovely and peaceful.  A modern community, close to restaurants, shopping,  parks, etc.  A community set off from the main highway and overflowing with flora and fauna.  It's the fauna that is causing the current issue.  The fauna, in this scenario, being the indigenous species common to the area:  The Self-Entitled, Elitist, Narcissistic, Dog-Owner.  You know the one.

It appears that the latest, in a long string of issues this community has faced, is now the consistent and ever present doggie "presents" in the carpeted hallways of the buildings.  Yep, ladies and gents, you read that correctly.  Dogs have performed their solid acts, and the owners have left it there on the carpets.  Like a welcome committee for the dung beetle.  Like the main appetizer at the Ugly Bug Ball. 

I am an animal lover through and through.  I prefer pets to people, for the most part.  It's not the dog's fault.  If you gotta go, you gotta go.  It's the owner's problem.  If your pet makes a whoopsie on the carpet inside your home, don't you clean it up?  What, pray tell, would be the difference if you dog crapped in the hallway outside of your neighbors  door? 

What's so crazy about this to me is that this is not a one-off incident.  This seems to occur on a weekly basis.  In different buildings at different times.  With pictures to prove it.  With that said, you can't even blame it on one dirty-birdy pet owner.  These instances keep popping up.  And like pine needles from a long removed Christmas tree, they just keep appearing.

What has been the remedy to resolve this situation? Doggie DNA Testing.  It has resorted to this.  Because a handful of irresponsible pet owners show no regard to their fellow neighbors or to their community as a whole, ALL dogs must submit a sample of their DNA in order to start pinpointing who the "poop"ertrators are.  Now, I'm all for it.  I just think it's absolutely asinine that adults have to be babysat and coached on the proper way to care for and maintain their pets bowel movements.

A doggie DNA is a simple test that requires the pooch to have the inside of their mouth swabbed.  The sample is then sent to a lab and registered into the database.  The next time a "mishap" occurs, the staff of the complex has the lucky job of collecting a sample and submitting it for a match.  Once a match is made, the owner is fined.  Easy peasy.

Enter the Self-Entitled, Elitist, Narcissistic, Dog-Owner with the ever-present righteous opinion.

 

 

 

Our community has a social media site set up to provide quick updates on the goings-on in the complex and to issue memos and meeting dates in a real-time manner.  This site is used and abused beyond belief.  The Administrator of the site is made of rainbows and lollipops, because she absolutely never, ever loses her cool.

Doggie DNA has long been in the works and is being implemented at the end of next month.  Comments ranged from "Finally!  It's about time" to "I refuse to subject my dog to that test".  Because, you know, swabbing of a dogs cheek is known to be both physically and mentally harmful.  One fellow poster actually had the audacity to say, and I paraphrase, "What if someone is vindictive and decides to take poo that has been correctly disposed off out of the garbage and THEN place it on top of some other dogs poo."  Seriously?  Are these the people I'm living with?!  The issue here, buddy, is that people are NOT CLEANING UP THE SHIT.  If you really think someone is going to go to a pet waste receptacle, pull out a sample and then place it on top of some other dogs evacuation, then you have bigger problems than dog poo.  May I suggest Googling "Paranoia".

These are the same people who scream that snow plows arrive way too early in the morning: "people have to sleep, you know!" Then scream that: "the plows aren't here, what are we paying them for?"  The SAME people, mind you.  This past winter wasn't a hugely accumulating snow year, but it was an active snowy winter.  Landscapers are shoveling and blowing the snow off of walkways in order to make us safe and our commute as painless as possible.  We pay for this service, so it's certainly not altruistic, but THESE PEOPLE STILL BITCH.  People actually complain that people are shoveling, snow blowing, and plowing the snow for them.  I'm left speechless.

So I'm left where I began.  Frustrated and annoyed by the absolute selfishness of people.  The utter disregard for their fellow neighbor, much less for their fellow man.

Such is life.  Sometimes Man-U-R happens.

 

With Love
Lady Butterfly
xoxo