There's a Glass?

It’s Evolution Baby

I'm going through a re-evaluation of sorts in my life.  A shuffling of the deck.  A review of priorities.  A User Assessment Testing, if you will. 

I’m not 100% sure I like what I'm finding, but I guess you wouldn't be doing a self-check if you felt you were already the bee's knees.

I'll admit straight out that I am a person who has the tendency to see the glass as half-empty.  I will always veer to the worst possible outcome to a situation (rather than the best), and I might have a few trust issues.   

 

 

That's for ME, though.  I am the world's greatest cheerleader for anybody I care about.  I see their wonderful qualities, and make sure they are aware of just how special they are to the world and to me.  I wish I saw me through Me.

My re-evaluation started late last year, when I just grew tired of being tired.  I was tired of being bored.  I was tired of being lonely. I was tired of constantly saying, "You know what I'd love to do..." and just never doing it.  I grew tired of knowing Me.  Then I got tired of knowing the Me that I wasn't.

I had to tackle the pessimism first.  I feel like that is the head of the beast.  If you automatically look at things through pessimistic glasses, then nothing you do can ever change.  It's doomed from the start.  I've worked very hard on trying to be a more optimistic person.  This might be an oxymoron, if I really think about it.  I imagine it's similar to using a cane.  You know it's not your natural walk.  It doesn't feel natural.  It takes a lot of getting used to.  You miss the old you.  In the end, however, it's much better than the alternative. 

Pessimism is like coming to grips with an "emotional outlook safety jacket", a jacket you put on yourself.  You walk around with it, you advertise it, and you make a statement out of it.  Like all fashion, however, it gets old.  Pessimism is not the little black dress of healthy emotional outlooks.

That said, I've adopted the "Fake It 'Til You Make It" regimen.  Since the idea of optimism is foreign to me anyway, I think the "hate it it/adopt it/ act it" rule comes in quite handy.  Amazingly enough, it helped.  At least for me.  I will say helped, as this is certainly going to be a long, long work in progress.  To those of you who have an optimistic attitude that takes little to no work - My hats off to you.   I admire you.   Very much so.

Pessimism covered; let's move on to Friends and friends.  I love both my Friends and friends.  I will do anything for them.  I'm going to be quick with this one and just let it go.  This one gets tricky with the difference between men and women, but I think the general rules apply:  If you find yourself always calling a friend and they don't ever call you, if you find yourself always waiting on a friend, if you feel that you can't call that person at any time: you don't have a Friend, you have a friend.  I recognize my strictness with this definition, but I stick to you it.  I completely understand people have lives and quiet hours. I'm speaking to the fact that issues occur for people at all times.  If you feel you can't call your friend at 4am because something big-to-you happened, that's OK.  They're a friend.  Little "f".

Family will even be shorter.  A sentence or two.  I will do anything for my family.  They are my life.  My support is limitless. As any family does, you do have to learn where to draw the line between being a shoulder to cry on/an ear to listen vs. the back that carries the load.  You have to learn to let go at some point. I haven't learned this lesson yet.

Let's end it with Priorities.  Where exactly, as a single woman, with no kids, a cat and a mortgage, do your priorities lie?  As a woman with no children, I certainly cannot speak to married ladies with children who have to juggle schedules.  I understand the burden you are under.  This burden is not singled out to women with children, however. 

What about that unknown segment of society who has and chosen to remain a single woman.  A career woman?  You are pretty much effed up the "b". You're responsible for everything.  You don't make what a man makes in your same position.  Shit, the man in your same position has probably been promoted two times over.  You don't get the tax breaks.  You don't get the moral support.  Hell.  You don't even have the guy who hefts the heavy loads into the car.

 

 

I'm working on myself.  With self-realization, comes anger. Then acceptance. Then either love or anarchy.

With Love

Lady Butterfly

xoxo