Wedded Bless. I said BLISS, you IDIOT!

Wedded Bless.  I said BLISS, you IDIOT

 

 

I'd like to start off this post with a confession:

The longest relationship I have is with my childhood stuffed bear. Aptly named Bear Bear. Poor Bear Bear suffered a severe accident when my older brother, overcome with rage at something his pesky sister did, poured sugar water all over his belly - soaking his fur and matting his luxurious coat. Afterwards, my brother felt bad, so he hid him in the closet for awhile. When I finally rescued Bear Bear, he was like Rock Candy, but with two eyes and a felt tongue. Bear Bear has never been the same since, but he has been with me since I was 5. He currently sits on my bureau overlooking his kingdom. Weird belly-fur and all.

With that said, my parents have been married for 48 years. I keep looking at the blinking cursor on my screen to absorb what that means. They met as kids, and got married at the age of 18. 48 years of wedded bliss later, they are still together. They have been married so long, they don't even argue anymore. They call their kids to argue through them. Here's an example:

Mom: "Your father is the most aggravating man on earth. Why does he always use the good dish towels to wipe off his dirty hands? I swear, I will never understand the thoughts that go through his head."

Dad: "I don't know. Your mother's annoyed about something with the dishwasher."

See what happened there? Did you notice the subtle twist? What my father heard, is not what my mother said. This happens throughout my family. It happens with such frequency that the family as a unit now tosses up any misunderstanding as an apparent miscommunication. Like a convoluted game of "Telephone", no one can seem to get it right.

Spending that amount of time together will make you do some seemingly kooky things. For instance, both my Mom and Dad will decide a few times a year that it's "time to go through some part of their house and consolidate". Throw things out. Get rid of the junk. What invariably happens is they gather for hours, bicker, and end up throwing out jewelry my Mom says she'll never wear, and model cars that my Dad used to collect. They end up keeping the broken straw hat and the plastic bag it came in. You know...just in case. They'll then call my brother or I and ask if we want our High School diplomas, because they need to "throw things out". Kooky. I will never understand how they decide what to toss and what to keep. It seems random, but there must be some method to their madness. There are other things that are just as odd. Many other things.

 

 

 

Exhibit A:

Spontaneous Deafness - Like a child who doesn't want to go to bed, both my Mom and Dad seem to become instantly deaf when they hear something they don't like. Such as, "Hey Dad, wanna come over for lunch this weekend?" "What? I didn't hear you, Karie. Lemme call you back."

 

Amazing Spidey-Sense Hearing - On the flipside, my Mom can hear a pin drop in a pile of pillows somewhere in Indiana if she wants to. If you say something under your breath upstairs and across the hall, she'll hear you downstairs in the basement. It's truly a super-power.

 

Repeating the same behavior and expecting different results - My parents have had their computer in the corner of the dining room for well over 20 years. And for 20 years, that corner has been the black hole of sound. If anyone is saying anything in any other part of the house, no matter how close, you hear nothing when sitting there. This however, does not stop either my Mom or my Dad from continually talking to each other from this corner of the room, or to the person sitting in the corner of the room. The conversation invariably goes as follows: "James, did you feed the dogs?" "James?" "James?!". OR "Bet, do you want a salad from the Italian place?" "Bet?" "Bet?!". You'd think after this amount of time, they'd gather that this solitary location on earth carries no sound. Nope. This also applies to one standing at the kitchen sink and running water while talking.

Now, of course they are MY parents. Only my brother and I see certain things. However, In case you think me jaded, I'd like to include Exhibit B for consideration.

Exhibit B:

The Veterinarian's Office - I take my cat Dorothy to the same vet that my parents take their two dogs - Sophie and Lulu. This week, I had to take my Dottie for her annual check-up. After the exam and the all clear from the vet, we started chit chatting. Once the Doctor and staff realized that I was not only related to Bet and Jim, but I was their daughter, the whole office was huddled around the doorway relaying stories. My favorite being the Vet Assistant who called my Mom after Sophie's recent surgery. After the Assistant asked my Mom how the night went, my mother replied "It was a f*cking horrible night**." I just nodded and laughed and said, "Yep. That sounds like my Mom." The Assistant loved her. The entire staff couldn't sing my parents praises enough; calling them cute and funny; bickering and hysterical. **I do have to note my mother vehemently denies saying this. I believe the Vet Assistant.

One of the the best things about my parents is they ARE hysterical. It also helps that they look a little bit like Laurel and Hardy. I'm not sure who that insults more, my Mom or Dad, but it's true. My mother is tall and super skinny, like Olive Oil with a dirty mouth. My Dad gives the impression of being shorter due to his belly - which he has recently lost. They walk around like a mismatched pair of shoes and just make you smile.

My Mom is more high strung, my Dad is more easy-going. My Mom could wipe the floor with you in terms of wit. My Dad has absolutely no idea what she's saying. My Mom reads. My Dad watches TV. My Mom has not only won the argument, but has moved on to the next one. My Dad is still trying to figure out what the hell just happened.

48 years later and they are still together. No marriage is perfect and no parents or children are perfect. The older I get, the more I appreciate the things that used to annoy me. The more I understand what it is they mean to each other. I wouldn't trade them for the world.

Even if they both hear that as "Karie said she's interested in world trade."

　

With Love

Lady Butterfly

xoxo