Halloween: Unearthed

Halloween:  Unearthed

 

 

Halloween is quickly approaching.  The time for kids to don their superhero capes, princess dresses and creepy masks in order to beg for candy from complete strangers.  Sounds totally normal.  I wonder what visitors from another planet would think if they happened to choose October 31 to observe our planet.   Would they leave the Milky Way in a hurry, distressed at all the different humanoid life forms that co-exist on the planet?  Would they consider us intellectually sub-par, since anyone can simply go to the grocery store and BUY candy, without the need for a costume?  Would they think us aggressive, as many of the favorite costumes are those of fighting comic books characters?  I wonder…I wonder…

Captain’s Log, Star Date 2013.1031. Time 1200.  Destination, Earth:  We have entered the galaxy and are currently approaching Earth.  We have spent years studying this specific planet from afar, and have orders to continue our observation, from a closer vantage point.   

Our orders are to teleport to Earth, using a reimaging program that allows us to appear human.  This is a purely sociological and informational gathering journey.  Interaction with the Earthlings should be limited to primarily observing and secondly speaking only when spoken to.  While our crew is familiar with many of the inhabitant’s values, mores and standard daily behavior, we are not equipped to answer specific questions or to carry on conversations as true humans do. 

Our orders are to teleport to New Jersey, United States, as this has proven to have the highest concentration of humans with questionable intelligence.  End Captain’s Log.

Captain’s Log, Star Date 2013.1031. Time 1300.  Destination, New Jersey, United States, Earth:  We have teleported to a suburban town in New Jersey and are safely reimaged in the likeness of humans:  2 adult males and 2 adult females.  Due to Star Fleet regulations, the specific location of our observation cannot be divulged in the Captain’s Log.  We shall herein refer to the town as “Somewhere, New Jersey”.

Shortly after our arrival we witnessed an odd occurrence.  The shorter inhabitants of “Somewhere, New Jersey”, known to humans as “children” or “kids”, were seen exiting their building of education dressed in strange and troubling outerwear.  Some of these children were dressed as if they could take flight, as confirmed by their billowing capes.  It should be noted that we have yet to witness any child actually fly.  Other children had facial coverings on.  These coverings “masked” the child by giving them a completely different face. One without changeable emotions.  Many of these facial coverings were green in color with holes for their eyes, noses and mouth.  These holes were presumably created to assist the child in seeing and breathing, however they did not seem to function correctly – as many children were seen walking in to walls and gasping for air.

Also witnessed were children dressed in black with pointy hats and green tinted skin.  These outfits are remarkably similar to our sister planet, the BroomHildaians.  Captain’s Note:  A summit between our Home Planet and that of the BroomHilidians must be established.  Star Fleet Regulations strictly forbade the BroomHilidians from visiting Earth again, due to the unfortunate incident captured between one BroomHilidian named ‘Witch Hazel’ and a bunny named ‘Bugs’.

 

Besides the dress of these children, a second and even more disturbing event took place.  While exiting the educational building, the children formed a line and marched in a circle around the perimeter of the traffic area.  This seemed to be some sort of parade, witnessed by the older humans and captured on digital photo imaging mechanisms.  The children waved and marched, with seemingly no purpose except to record the process on various sorts of machinery. 

These events have certainly taken the crew by surprise.  We can only assume this is some sort of initiation. We are quite unsure how to proceed and must gather to plot our next course of action.   End Captain’s Log.

Captain’s Log, Star Date 2013.1031. Time 1800.  Destination, New Jersey, United States, Earth:  After returning to the ship for an emergency meeting, we have returned to Earth.  Cloaked once again in our human forms, we proceed with trepidation into the darkening hours of evening.  The meeting aboard the ship was ripe with emotion; with many feeling we should abandon our journey all together.  The valid point was made that we clearly do not understand the human species as well as we thought, and we could be placing our lives in harm’s way.  In the end, as Captain, I made the decision to move forward with our mission, and to report on our findings, regardless of personal risk.  This log will serve as a witness to all that we have seen, in the event we do not make it back to our Home Planet.

After witnessing the troubling spectacle earlier in the day, we have now moved on to walk the town and to observe further human interaction.  Once again, we are faced with children in disguise, gathered into groups of no fewer than 5-6.  These children are carrying containers of varying shapes, sizes and colors.  Others carry both a container and a glowing neon green stick - which is not unlike the color of our uncloaked skin.  We are once again faced with the fear that these children are aware of our presence and are sending a subtle yet clear message of:  RETREAT!

These groups of humanoid children approach a dwelling, holding out their various containers, while ringing an alert to the dwellings portal.  An adult human opens the door and the children scream words that are unintelligible.  What is picked up clearly is the last word, “……TREAT!”

With that word uttered, we once again hurry back to the ship, as we have obviously been warned to RETREAT, by the seemingly innocent children of Earth. End Captain’s Log.

Captain’s Log, Star Date 2013.1031. Time 2200.  Destination, New Jersey, United States, Earth: The crew has been understandably frazzled by the day’s events, and has unanimously voted to leave the Milky Way and all things Earth behind.  I have reminded them, once again, of our mission.  We have teleported back to Earth one last time to observe the final hours of an Earth Day.  We will continue to log our journey and the dangers that seem to lurk everywhere.

Our final destination on this ill-fated trip is to a place called “BAR”.  Our English translation device tells us that this is an establishment that serves liquids meant to make Earthlings feel euphoric, before making them feel sick.  The device also provides some common terms related to imbibing of this liquid, the most frequent being “I’m never drinking again.” As with the rest of the day, we are thoroughly confused by the behavior of all things human.

As we enter the “Bar” we are once again greeted with humans in strange outerwear.  The humans are different, however.  These are not children.  These are ADULTS.  The males are dressed in outerwear that is nonsensical:  A Caveman, for instance.  Through our studies we are fully aware that caveman no longer exist, yet these human males are wearing similar clothing.  While the human male’s behavior is very similar to that of the Caveman, his brow is not nearly as pronounced and his hair follicles do not play as much of a role as his early ancestors.  Usually.  Otherwise, the differences are miniscule.

The adult women, on the other hand, seem to have lost their outerwear.  While clutching glasses of this liquid elixir, the women are dressed as if they live in a much warmer climate than they do.  They are also dressed as if they are unaware of their actual outerwear size. Many of the women wear some sort of detachable feline ear, along with a long tail.  Others wear outfits that do not seem to have any theme whatsoever.   It is interesting to see the mating rituals of the human man to the human woman.   Specifically when the elixir begins to take effect.

As we circle the room the human male behind the counter serving the liquid shouts to us that we need to leave unless we are “dressed up”.  We are unsure what this term means and use our translation device to try and decipher.  “Dressed Up”, as identified by the device, “is to alter one’s appearance for attendance at a special event.  To wear fancy outerwear.”  It goes on with a second definition, “To alter one’s appearance to look unlike others.  See Costume.”  We had no idea what “costume” was and as our Earth time was running out, we chose to forgo a further search.  We opted to deactivate our reimaging program and appear in our natural state.  End Captain’s Log.

 

 

Captain’s Log, Star Date 2013.1101. Time 0100.  Destination, Home Planet:  The crew is safely aboard the ship and heading back to our home planet.  Our journey to Earth has been eventful, enlightening and scary.  We are glad to leave this planet and vow never to return.

As the Captain, I would be remiss if I did not log that, upon leaving the “BAR” establishment, we were rewarded with a trophy of some sort.  One that is inscribed with “Best Halloween Costume Winner, October 31, 2013.”  Again, this is an enigma to us.  One that we are not certain we shall ever unravel. Final Entry.  End Captain’s Log.

 

Happy Halloween my ghouls and ghosts!!

 

With Love

Lady Butterly

xoxo