Smoke Blowing and Other Olympic Sports

Smoke Blowing and Other Olympic Sports

Work. A four letter word if there ever was one. WORK. "Wərk". Even the harsh "K" sound at the end of it reminds you of other, more colorful, four letter words. WORK. work. WoRk. The more I type it, the more it looks like a shortened term for the cute little teddy bear creatures that made "Star Wars: Return of the Jedi" unwatchable. Ewok. Work. It works.
 

Work. A laborious, soul crushing experience; a delightful and fulfilling joy; or something that lies in between. Work. Something that the majority of us must do, whether we love it or hate it.

 

Work is also the mundane everyday stuff, like cleaning the house(work), tidying up the yard(work), etc. Work is also the stuff you love and want to do, like writing books, articles or music, like drawing or painting, etc - just for the sheer enjoyment of it. For the purpose of this post, I'm going to define "Work" as a job you go to. Or a job you perform in order to pay your bills - love it or hate it, it's what you are doing as your primary source of income.
 

For me, working in Corporate America is like the scene in Pinocchio, where Gepetto and the gang are sucked in to the belly of the whale without actually being eaten. You're alive. You're functioning. You're just at the mercy of the great beast - hoping against hope that you can somehow stay afloat and maintain your existence.

 

 

 

OK, so I'm being a bit dramatic, but you get my point. As a Corporate employee, you are something of a nameless, faceless being. There are the treasured few who (like cream) rise to the top and are recognized. This usually occurs with the help of a large, sharp utensil placed strategically in the back of an unsuspecting fellow employee. Or with a pair of pursed lips suctioned to the bottom of one's supervisor. It's a toss up or a combination of the two, really.
 

Corporations love to have "Team Building Events". Days that are set aside to have "fun" and to "get to know each other". You know, as "real people". Pal around with your fellow coworker and let your hair down. Suuurre. If any of you have ever attended one of these events, then you need no explanation. For those of you who are unfamiliar, it is the most cringe inducing, uncomfortable, unnatural 8 hours (or more) that you can imagine.
 

These events start off with some light hearted "get-to-know-you" exercises: Create a caption for this non-offense cartoon, provide a name for the team in which you are placed, describe your job using a song title/movie/character. Those types of things. The truth is not needed here.  Actually, the truth need not apply. For example, I highly doubt that someone who wrote "Psycho Killer" as their applicable song title would be looked upon with mirth and delight. Well, probably with mirth and delight once the men in white uniforms came with their special little jacket, but certainly not at first.
 

After the faux get-to-know-you session, you are then broken off in to groups to perform some sort of task/game that is meant to bring you all together and to learn to work cohesively. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but didn't we learn this in Pre-K and Kindergarten? I learned not to take Susie's paste, and Susie learned not to smear me with finger paint when I was 4, MAYBE 5. I'm not really sure I need to learn this again, but OK - I'll play along, pretending I have a choice.
 

You set out on your exercise, and leaders immediately emerge. No. I take that back. Leaders immediately fight to be the leader. So much for cohesiveness and team building. Someone ALWAYS feels the need to be that team champion; as if winning the "Pictionary" contest is going to guarantee them a spot on the Executive Committee. You always have to be mindful: We are in the "wild", and dangers lurk about you everywhere. People will throw you in front of a bus if they feel that it makes them look good in front of a boss or, better yet, THE Boss. Tread lightly and keep your wits about you. That's my suggestion.
 

After the "fun" exercise is complete, you typically regroup for a lunch and learn. A time to discuss what you gathered from your expedition, what you feel you could have done better, and how this applies to your daily activities at work. AH HA! See where they get you? "Off-Site Team Building Event", my foot! It's nothing but a glorified meeting to determine how they can get more out of you, without giving you anything more. Best yet...they want YOU to determine what more YOU should take on.
 

To break it down in to non-work related terms, let's put this same scenario together, but using two friends in place of work. A friend sets up a fun day to relax, have some down-time, and spend some quality hours together. You go - as you really can't say no to your friend - but you are a bit leery, wondering why everything seems so regimented if it's supposed to be easy going. You go bowling, play pool or take a cooking class. After the day is done, your friend then asks what you learned from the day, and how YOU can be a better friend to him/her. Adding the caveat, "oh, and by the way, can you pay the bill,' cause that's what really good friends do."
 

My point being with this entire post is this: I wish the crap would just be cut, already. I don't need to be friends with every person I work with. I don't need team building exercises to lure me into looking deeper into my inner work habits. If you need me to do something I'm not doing, tell me. If you want to know how I'm feeling about my current position in the Department or Company, ask me. The phony baloney hullabaloo of "we're all in this together" is, frankly, insulting. While I might pride myself on useless knowledge, my prowess at Jeopardy is not going to get me any further in the Organization because I won it at a Team Building Event. Stop the BS and just call it as it is.
 

If blowing smoke was an Olympic sport, I definitely know a few people who could medal.
 

 

 

Geesh. Seriously.

 

 

With Love

Lady Butterfly

xoxo